In India Again and Fucking bored with life

OK I am in India again.For 36 days this time.I am getting bored and I am having a midlife crisis at the age of 27.My mom and dad wants me to get married.I am still not sure what I want.Getting married seems like the end of my life.I still feel like I haven't done anything with my life although I have done been in situations which a normal person wouldn't be in.But I feel like I played it too safe in my life that I missed out on a lot.And I am fucking bored with everything.I used to watch 2 three movies a day,in fact I watched so many movies that I ran out of good movies in English and started watching french,Korean,Japanese,Swedish movies etc with subtitles.I used to be a huge David Lynch fan,I still haven't watched his latest movie even after having it in my movie archive.I finished Stephen King's book "The Stand"(which was 1420 pages long)in 4 days.Now I have his latest book "Under The Dome" with me and i still haven't got to the quarter of that book.I just bought Ayn Rand's sociological fiction work "Atlas Shrugged"which showcases her unique Philosophy "Objectivism" and I haven't even started reading it.I wanted to go to Europe this year to see the sights,but i just don't feel like it.Fuck I am so bored with my life.

My Best Friend's wedding

As per the title it was my best friend Bipin's wedding last month.For him it was a good day but for me it was the crappiest day of my life.I was really excited about it,because it is my best friends freaking wedding.We were friends from college and he was the first best friend i ever had.You see i was always the outsider during my school years and i liked it because i knew that the rest of the kids were disgusted by me....
But this guy came up to me like he was going to rag me on the first day of college and since i am a violent person by nature i was preparing for a fight but he cooled me down and we were best friends from then onwards.
But all these changed last month,He knew my parents very well and i knew his parents also.But for the wedding all he did was just call me up and kind of told me to be there but kind of only mentioned my parents in passing.He mentioned that he has a sprain in his leg so he wouldn't be able to come to invite me personally but only when i asked him about coming.
The fact is he lives like 25 minutes away from me and he couldn't come to invite me or my family although he goes to work traveling for like one and half hours.But as fate would have it my brother's friend's brother got married on the same month.He lives like 2 hrs away and because of the traffic jam probably would take 4 hrs to reach here,but the fact is he did even though it wasted half a day he took the effort.If it was mine or my brother's wedding i would have gone personally and invited Bipin and his mom and dad,if due to some unforeseen circumstance i was unable i would have sent my brother or failing that my parents.
To top this all I met another friend of ours called Denzil like 3 days before the wedding.The thing is i am not much of a religious guy but not an atheist either,but this random encounter seemed like a sign from god telling to open my eyes.Denzil informed me that there is going to be a get together of friends on the night before the wedding.He isn't that close to Bipin but i seemed to be mysteriously misinformed about this function.So when he asked me whether i am going to be there i had to lie and say something like i have somewhere else I have to be,,blah blah blah etc.I was so embarrassed to tell him that since I am not invited for the party i couldn't attend because then I would be like a wedding crasher.So what I gather from these events is that I am just not that important a person to him as he is to me.Moreover,he is just taking me for granted.Since I always stand by my friends he expected that i would be there no matter how he treated me.
I always criticize people for being emotional fools and being loyal to people who doesn't care about others.So if i went to this wedding i would be a hypocrite,so i didn't bother to go even though it was the hardest decision i ever made in my life...
Like one month before the wedding i spent like 1000 bucks to buy a dress for myself just for that occasion.I also planned on buying an expensive Fast Track watch from Titan for my friend Bipin.The thing is although he is financially well off he always had a crappy and cheap watch.So during the last of our college days i told him i will buy him a watch for his wedding to Liji his love of almost ten years.Although he did not take it seriously that was a promise I planned to keep.But now I have a watch but no friend to give it to.Just like the rest of my life.
I have stood by him during fights in the college and I would have taken a bullet for him if the need arose.But i was insulted and felt small in front of my parents for having a friend like him.Probably he would have forgot my face by this shot time.I always regarded friends more than family because i was treated like shit by family whom i thought was really close to me.But now i find that friendship also ends this way.I think i have lost my ability to trust anybody again.I feel like crawling inside my skin to die.I had lost my belief in everything else in this world,but friendship was the only thing i still believed in but now i know better.You cannot trust anybody other than ourselves.But although my friendship with him is over and I think I will probably will never see him again i believe i have made the right decision for once in my life.

But then why does it still feels like there is a hole where my heart used to be!!!!!!!!!

Marriage at Palakkad

I went to my best friend Firoz's cousin's marriage at Palakkad the other day.It was fun just traveling from Cochin to Palakkad in a bus.Didn't sleep for 24 hrs.just me and some friends traveling in the night.when we were traveling through Thrissur i saw the house of somebody i thought i knew but was wrong.she was my favorite person while i was growing up.But when i grew up I learned some truths about her that shook me through my soul.It was the first genuine shock experience of my life.But it taught me a valuable lesson that you can never take anything by appearances alone.what we presume to know about a person might be far from the truth as possible.While i continued traveling i thought i saw people and houses whom we were close with but has drifted apart,not because anything but human nature, Ego, Greed etc.I really do wish life was simpler and not filled with so many politics and psychological warfare as of now.But that is never going to happen so what we can do is make everyday life into a challenge and try to over come it,take everything with a pinch of salt,never trust anybody other than our selves and never expect anything.If we don't expect anything from people we will be happy if they do something and will not be disappointed if nobody cares about you(the latter is what usually happens)